What To Do When People Are Not Supportive…

If you’re anything like me, you’ve had this feeling before that people in your life aren’t being supportive.

When I went vegan, my family had a lot of comments that I thought were really rude and definitely didn’t feel supportive.

When I had gained weight in college I had a long distance boyfriend who would comment on my weight each time I saw him… Definitely didn’t feel supported through that.

And then when I lost 15lbs last year I showed up to my family Christmas party in Texas and my grandfather made sure to ask me “Aren’t they feeding you up there in New York?”

So if you’re like me, you’ve experienced this a lot OR if you’re in the process of making a lifestyle change you most likely will experience it in the near future.

I have had SO MANY PEOPLE talking about this lately that I have to speak up. I am super passionate about this work and eliminating these beliefs because I was stuck in that place for so long. I believed I was a victim to the things that happened in my life

& how other people were affecting me

& that I couldn’t reach my goal if nobody was supporting me.

For example, 6 years ago I announced that I was going vegan. That first day, my mom offered me a cheeseburger. A year in, my dad said I should expect people to say mean or rude things to me because I had chosen a “weird” lifestyle. My fiance’s family still makes comments about how weird my food is, and I can’t even count how many parties I’ve been to where there was nothing I could eat.

I used to feel really unsupported when these things happened. I thought nobody believed in me and felt like everyone was making life harder for me as a vegan. 

What I’ve realized since then is that the only reason those things felt so unsupportive and made me feel angry, sad, isolated… was because I was agreeing with what they were saying. What mattered wasn’t what they said, but what I was telling myself.

THEN I REALIZED THAT THIS WAS AMAZING NEWS! I have control over how I think about myself. So now 6 years into my vegan journey I feel confident in my choices and what my options are in any situation.
Because I developed that belief in myself.

The same is true for my weight loss journey.

People are going to show up however they want to in life. It’s just the truth. Even people that we love and who we know care about us. They don’t always say or do what we think they should.

Here is what I’ve learned to do:

Be curious

I show up with curiosity. “Hmm… I wonder why they are saying that?” or I wonder what I’m thinking. Why do I feel bad about how they showed up?

Throw away my “shoulds”

Anytime I hear myself saying that someone else should or shouldn’t be showing up a certain way, I toss it. “He shouldn’t be commenting on my weight”, “She know’s I’m trying to eat healthier, she shouldn’t have suggested we go out”, “He should be eating healthy with me to support me”

What I’ve realized is that everyone should just show up how they want to, and I will show up exactly how I want to.

Make a plan

Basically I’ve learned to support myself in the best way I can by planning ahead. I figure out how I can show up for myself whether that’s eating ahead of time, journaling about what I think is gonna happen and how I want to show up, practicing my own thoughts that I want to bring into a situation.

Planning little ways I can show up for myself no matter how anybody else acts.

One response to “What To Do When People Are Not Supportive…”

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